It’s ok to say “No”

Jiya was not a very assertive child. You might think what is assertiveness? And what is being assertive? Assertiveness is when you show confident behavior. Being assertive shows that you respect your personal interests and thoughts and can present them in front of others. Another big part of being assertive is knowing your boundaries.

One way we can express when someone is trying to break our boundaries is by stopping them and saying no. And this was the aspect that Jiya lacked. She was a pretty confident child and never shied to express her thoughts and feelings. But, she struggled a lot to say no to someone. Even when the thing requested or commanded interferes with her personal boundaries, she found it very hard to say no. For example, when a friend once asked her to do her homework as she was busy with some other stuff, despite knowing that she should not do someone else’s work she still found it very difficult to say no. “Helping” others like this can create a situation where others can make bad use of her agreeableness. Jiya may have developed this habit of not saying “no” because disagreeing is considered a bad thing in society. People who say no every time are sometimes considered rude or non-cooperative. This is the reason why being assertive is not promoted that much during a child’s development. And yes, it is true that even saying no to everything is also not a good habit and can lead to consequences.

The best way possible is to manage between the two. Jiya should learn to say yes to certain things and no to others. Things that she feels are safe for her, she is interested in doing, and does not feel forced when asked to do, are the things that Jiya should agree to do. Whereas, when asked for things that threaten her boundaries, she does not feel safe to do them, she has no interest, or feels forced to do are the things that she should avoid agreeing to.

What we learned from the story

Not just Jiya, we all should also learn to maintain a balance between the two things. We should have a clearcut understanding of what is right for us to do and what is not, and handle them accordingly. We should be assertive enough that others do not feel that we are overconfident, rude, or non-cooperative, but also make sure that no one is interfering with our comfort zone, especially when we do not want to.